The Best Chanuka Tweets Ever Written By Anyone.

Ever.

Does a votive candle count as a menorah if you’re away and have nothing else to light? I vote yes.

I haven’t posted in forever, and while I am working on two essays, I’d be remiss in not at least getting my ass back on this platform and reminding people that I still have a blog. So I’m cheating - and sharing something I wrote back when the Best President Ever was in the White House. Also cheating, because this isn’t about an article of clothing. But I came across it and it made me laugh (and wince, but mainly laugh.) I hope it has a similar effect on you. Happy LC.

Have brought MERRY CHRISTMAS back to America. One of my many many accomplishments. People say this disrespects Channaka & other Holidays.  Not true!

I will be issuing official tweets for each of the seven nights of Chanuka and have come up with a name that is very inclusive which will be officially announced tomorrow!  

LITTLE CHRISTMAS officially begins. Chanaka was horrible name. “Ch” sound was like clearing your throat or something much more disgusting. Even the Jews hated it!

LITTLE CHRISTMAS Day 2 is underway!! Massive success! Very inclusive!  Jews are rejoicing!  People are saying Obama is very jealous. So-called Chanukka was a disaster. #LC

LC Day 3. FLOTUS MELANIA TRUMP will hang Red & Green Draydel on White House Christmas tree! Very wonderful! A gift to Jews everywhere! FLOTUS O never hung draydels!

LC Day 4. Very Special!! White House & Maralago will serve latkas - a very special Jewish Dessert - at official dinner tonight.  #LITTLECHRISTMAS #LATKAS

LC Day 5.  Have invited Kid Rock to perform first-ever Official Little Christmas Carol at (Real) Christmas WH Celebration.  Huge!  #INCLUSIVE

LC Day 6. Clown Schumer calls LITTLE CHRISTMAS “a joke.” Give me a break! Schumer & Dems can’t face that Crooked Hillary lost.  #CHRISTMASFORALL

LC Day 7: Final Day of Little Christmas. Biggest crowds ever at Final Menorah Lighting on WH Lawn!!  Don’t believe fake pictures!! 

Rumors are flying that LITTLE CHRISTMAS has 8 nites.  Failing NYTimes and Low Ratings Morning Joe perpetuating myth.  Pathetic & Sad! #conspiracytheory

Kwanza – the Muslim holiday – has official new name. VERY LITTLE CHRISTMAS. A beautiful gesture!  Crooked Hillary could never have accomplished this much!